After about 10 weeks of nursing Avery, she and my boobs have decided to part ways. Avery went on "strike" and I didn't realize why until I did some pumping and realized that I wasn't producing enough milk for her. We thought it might have been thrush, a growth spurt, you name it. However, after many tears, lactation consultation, drinking and eating epic porportions, fenugreek round the clock and lots of pumping, I struggled to produce 10 ounces/day (5-6 pumping sessions). Josh and I decided that it would have been selffish of me to continue to try to get her to feed from me as it seemed like utter torture to her (and me)! Forget about tummy time, she was arching her head and back so much, this kid can almost hold her head up now! Not to mention, that this is when she discovered her total lung capacity!
The fact that breastfeeding is over has been a really tough reality for me as a mother to accept and be "okay" with. Mainly because I feel that there is an expectation that lactating mothers nurse their babies for 12-18 months, if not longer. As well as the fact that breastmilk is the most nutritious for babies.
I never anticipating having this happen to me, but nonetheless, it has. For a while, she nursed during the nighttime hours, but eventually this faded too. I really did enjoy those last late night feeds as she was so peaceful and close to me. However, she just loves her bottle and I can't blame her. The Hughes/Ackernecht's enjoy food!
In all of this, Avery is much much happier and sleeping better now that she is eating better. Go figure?! We have even begun sleep training to include her self soothing for naps and bedtime. When I was breastfeeding, there was no rhyme or reason to when she would eat and now she is much more predictable. For what it is worth, we are feeding her the cream of the crop in formula which makes me feel a little better about it.
I go back and forth about feeling at peace with this change in our relationship. Some days are better than others and I can easily cry when I think about her not getting the continued health benefits of breastmilk. But then I remember that it is a blessing that Avery can now have many family members who love her, feed her. I know that it is helping her create special bonds with other family members. Perhaps, this was her way of trying to socialize with others and not just mommy. She just loves too many people to be hogged all by mommy!
So, I continue to try to pump three times a day and we just see how it goes! As long as she is happy and healthy, I suppose the source of the nutrition shouldn't get me down. I am almost there! I love Avery and want the very best for her....always! So does daddy! Plus, Josh gets a huge kick out of feeding her because she has a BM almost every time. We call her "redbrow" when this happens, no explanation needed. Josh just laughs and laughs and then he always says, "man, I love this kid!" and kisses her like crazy. Seeing this happen between father and daughter makes me smile and laugh too, if not cry because it is so sweet. Then I think......"man, I love this family!" And isn't that what is most important!?
